Why name it to tame it is B.S.
Attempting to reduce your anxiety might be making it worse.
I love myself a good slogan or catch phrase, especially when it comes to humaning and mental health.
“You’ve got to feel it to heal it”? YES!
“The only way out is through,” give me a shovel.
But there’s a saying in wellness circles around anxiety that I think that can do more harm than good: “You’ve got to name it to tame it.”
“You’ve got to name it to tame it” is a fallacy.
I’m all for the first half of this sentence. We do have to name it. We have to identify what we’re feeling. We have to distinguish that yelling at the person in the car behind us and feeling frozen and unable to make a decision are all forms of anxiety. We have to be able to say “I am feeling anxious” and learn to accept our “as is” state. Naming what we’re feeling is the first step to finding any solution or path to peace.
The second half, though? The idea that we can tame our anxiety? This is not only wrong, it’s dangerous.
Trying to dampen your anxiety does nothing more than heighten it.
Trust me. I’ve been trying that approach for over 30 years.
Taming is shoving a creature in a cage and demanding it behave. It is draining a unique being of its vibrancy, so it can be more palatable to the masses. It is a stripping away of any fierceness and wildness—any of its natural traits—to become some sterilized version of what it once was.
Anxiety will never follow orders. It will never behave. It will protest and kick and scream and scratch at the door until it tears through. It can be a beast and trying to tame it will only make it madder.
The last thing anxiety wants is to be tamed. Contained? Maybe. Containing it is different. Allow it to run and have freedom but within bounds. That space will give you an opportunity to recognize its beauty. To finally understand its purpose.
Anxiety wasn’t trying to hurt you. It was trying to protect you.
It wasn’t a scary beast, it was a scared little girl doing everything she could to feel safe.
Rather than whipping it or prodding it…rather than yelling at it…or ignoring it, thank it. Thank your anxiety.
It was trying to help. It was remembering an experience long past. Trying to lock it in some cage just scares it more.
Free it. Let it out. Look at it. See that scared little being who just wants to protect you.
You’ve got to free it to see it.