There's no such thing as bouncing back
There's no such thing as bouncing back
Why you'll never get your old body back no matter how hard you try.
I’ve been lying to everyone.
I claimed that I was over “bouncing back”, but I’m not.
I still pine for my pre-mom-bod.
If you are unfamiliar with what “bounce back” means, it is the pressure for people who have been pregnant to physically return to their pre-pregnancy conditions within the first few months to a year. This definition is not backed by science. It is an unspoken expectation of society (and a pretty vocal expectation of some judgemental people).
After my first son, I felt like I bounced back good enough. It was approximately three quarters of the way back. I didn’t need an entirely new wardrobe and I was back to intense workouts and teaching advanced yoga.
Sure, I was peeing myself during jumping jacks and my postpartum anxiety was so extreme I was on a horse’s dose of prozac, but it’s how I look on the outside that matters most, right? Right?
Things have been very different since my second son. I’ve been taking postpartum much more slowly and really tending to my internal body over my external form. There has been no bouncing in any direction. Just a long slow coming back together. Like, an accordion.
And despite sharing videos of my rolls and dimples on social media and talking about embracing this new body, there is still a quixotic part of me that yearns for things to get back to “normal”; for my body to bounce back.
Isn’t that what we are supposed to do?
It sure looks that way in the media.
I’ve lost count of the number of celebrities who give birth one day and then immediately look as though they were never pregnant in the first place. Heidi Klum famously walked the Victoria’s Secret runway at six weeks postpartum. At six weeks postpartum, I was still barely able to walk around the block. It’s not just celebrities either.
There are plenty of influencers on IG and TikTok sharing videos of themselves weeks or even days after birth, right back to their product pushing, donning a sports bra and a sleeping baby.
This was not the case for me or a number of mortals. And as I spent yet another day hating my body rather than appreciating it for, oh, I don’t know, growing two fucking humans, I decided it was time to investigate this whole “bounce back” concept.
Bouncing back and baby weight
Bouncing back is often equated with a return to one’s pre-pregnancy weight, but according to one study: “47% of women in the United States have excessive gestational weight gain,” continuing, “13–20% fail to return to their pre-pregnancy weight.” Please note the terms ‘‘excessive’ and ‘failure,’ are the researcher's words, not mine. (Also, is it just me or do those last stats seem low?)
What is the “appropriate” amount of weight gain? The Institute of Medicine recommends 25 to 35 pounds if you are considered “normal” weight. 15 to 25 pounds if you are “overweight”. And only 11 to 20 pounds if you are “obese”. Every.single.pound gained after is considered excessive.
Let’s pause for a second. I’m not good at math, but my first son was nearly nine pounds. A placenta is estimated to weigh one pound. That’s already ten pounds. Add in amniotic fluid which is thought to weigh around two pounds and that comes to twelve pounds. Larger-bodied people are set up to fail motherhood before they have even gotten pregnant.
Reading these studies made me want to throw my computer across the room. I was pissed.
Words matter and these scientific journals seem to be blatantly promoting bounce back culture, while also shaming certain postpartum bodies.
No one is “failing” at anything by not losing weight according to a scale’s measurements.
Yes, being considered obese or overweight can correlate to a number of health issues, such as diabetes and heart conditions, but do you know what even determines if someone falls into either of those categories?
It’s called our BMI, and BMI is BS.
BMI is BS
Body Mass Index (BMI) is crudely calculated by dividing someone’s weight in kilograms with their height in meters squared.
That’s it.
It does not take into account how much muscle a person has nor their level of fitness. It doesn’t take into account if someone has just had a baby or if they have carried four babies. I workout six days a week and am overweight according to my BMI. In fact, many athletes are.
Thankfully there is a new wave of health experts, like functional nutritionist Madison Martin, MS, CNS, who are calling for an end to BMI. “The ranges of BMI are arbitrary and ever-changing. The BMI is a huge factor in the perpetuation of fat-phobia in medicine. It also does not take into account muscle mass, different races and ethnicities,” Martin told me over email.
For example, some studies have found that, on average, Black women with a high BMI tend to be healthier than white women with the exact same BMI. Martin says, “A better measure of health is hard evidence from blood work and various functional tests that can give you specific information about nutrient status.”
But even with that evidence, there are still reports of doctors who won’t take on patients with certain BMIs. “Doctors are far less likely to examine, investigate, or treat their larger patients. Especially if they are considered ‘obese’,” explains Dr. Asher Larmie, MBBS, MRCGP, a United Kingdom-based general practitioner who is working hard to put an end to weight stigma in medicine, “This leads to delayed treatment, missed diagnosis, trauma, and medical avoidance, which can, and often does, cause irreparable harm.”
Part of what fuels these biases is the misconception that the size and shape of our bodies has to do with personal choices, like what we are eating or how much we exercise. Postpartum people have this bias toward themselves too. I know I do. I often think it’s my calorie intake or the amount of time I get to work out that is to “blame” for my new shape.
But according to a recent report issued by the Department of Human Health and Services Office, our health behaviors only account for 34% of our health outcomes.
“Genetics plays the largest role,” says Dr. Larmie, “Stress, trauma, the area we live in, our childhood experiences, and a history of dieting (especially at an early age) can alter our genetics and impact how we metabolize energy and how we store fat.”
Those celebrities and influencers who seem to bounce right back after birth are not doing anything more right or better than you. And you are NOT failing.
It’s genetics.
So instead of looking at your Instagram feed or television for postpartum weight loss guidance, you should look to your mom and aunts and see what is normal for your family.
There’s no such thing as bouncing back
Speaking of genetics, did you know that no human on earth will ever be able to bounce back? Yup, even Heidi Klum. It is physiologically impossible, regardless of how things look on the outside. Our body replaces billions of cells per day and even if a person is pregnant for just a few weeks their genetic code changes as it absorbs baby’s cells, a process called microchimerism.
We will never get back to our original pre-pregnancy state.
Let me say that again: You will never get your body back. You will never bounce back.
One more time for those in the back (“those” being me—one more time for me): I will never get my body back.
Tying to get back to something that no longer exists is a fool’s errand. It’s a waste of our energy, which, as parents especially, is our most precious resource.
What if we channeled all the focus and attention that we spent counting calories and weighing ourselves and started to count how many blessings we have in our lives instead?
What if instead of trying to bounce back or propel forward we practiced focusing on anchoring right here?
Listen, it is more than okay to miss how things were. There is a grieving process that accompanies any change, especially physical change. But rather than spending all our energy trying to get back something that is no longer and can never be, let’s channel that beautiful energy into getting to know ourselves in this new form.
Because you are changing again right now as you read this. As are your kids. Don’t miss out.
Instead of trying to bounce back to the way things were, let’s focus on being here, right now.
So beautifully expressed Sarah, thanks for sharing this. Everyone needs to read this xx
Here for this! 🫶🏼