Stop caring what other people think

Can we ever accurately see ourselves or are others better judges of us than we are? Who's perception is right?

I’ve been thinking a lot about perception lately.

Specifically, how others see us versus how we see ourselves and which is the most accurate?

I spend an inordinate amount of time wondering how others literally see me—how I look to the world. I see other women of similar stature and wonder, “is that what my legs look like?”. I look at who is considered “pretty” on television and then wonder how I measure up.

There is an old Japanese film from the 1950’s called Rashomon, which famously captured how people can have entirely different perceptions of the same event.

The science is pretty clear that when it comes to how we literally see, such as the size of objects, no two humans can ever see something in the same way. Like a snowflake, the anatomy of our eyes is always varied even if just minutely.

Photo by Mathilda Khoo on Unsplash

But then there are also the idiosyncrasies of how we perceive that object; how we interpret it and understand it. And because everyone’s perceptions are influenced by their reality and history, no two people will ever see something the same way.

As Dr. Jim Taylor writes in a recent Psychology Today article entitled, Perception is Not Reality, “The lens through which we perceive is often warped in the first place by our genetic predispositions, past experiences, prior knowledge, emotions, preconceived notions, self-interest, and cognitive distortions."

Yet we all cling still to our interpretations as if they are fact. We get wildly offended if someone doesn’t share our same views. It’s always mind boggling to me how my sister remembers things totally differently than me. Surely, she’s wrong?! And then I spend all types of energy trying to convince her as such. You can imagine how that goes…

So, what about self-perception and specifically, social media?

We get so caught up in other’s opinions of us. We hit refresh a hundred times a day waiting to see if people “like” us, hoping to feel seen. We look to others to understand ourselves.

Wouldn’t those closest to us know us better than we know ourselves?

But if no two people ever see something the same way then how can we ever trust another’s viewpoint? Or more bluntly put, if no one sees you accurately, who the f*$% cares how people see you!

Only you see through your eyes. Only you live in your body.

No one else’s perception should ever really matter, because it will never accurately capture you.

Don’t spend time worrying about other people’s perceptions or opinions. Spend that energy learning to love and accept yourself.